I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
