Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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