I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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