If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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