the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
