so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
