I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
