so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
