I accidentally had phone sex last night
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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