tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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