break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
