i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
