Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
