On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
