burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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