I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize