he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
