how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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