Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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