Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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