Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Too much gin, very little bucket
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Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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