So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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