I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Randomize
