After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
dude. I can hear the air.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
