How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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