Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
