he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
