i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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