piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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