I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
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2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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