I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
