Already got asked if we're dating
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
