Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
