just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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