i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
