RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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