i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
