dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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