I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
