Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
