anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
