Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
