I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
