using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
