Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
