never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
