Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
