i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
