This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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