I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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