did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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