My friends, they love my intelligence
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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