Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
