Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
