hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Two words: blizzard sex
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