I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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