matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
