I just pynch a tree in the face
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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