phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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