WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Watching her eat just hurts me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
