yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
