Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
